How could I be jealous??

It's no secret that I've always wanted more than one child.  Having grown up as an only child, it was lonely childhood.  My mom was a single parent and my dad was a no-show in my life due to addiction.  If I didn't have cousins and close friends, once my mom is gone, I would be a very lonely girl.  I'm fairly private and don't have many friends, but the ones I do have are wonderful.  Anyway, this is why I don't want Sophie to grow up alone - I really think that growing up alone led me to be very shy, insecure and lack confidence.  I look at my cousin's three boys.  The eldest was extremely timid, shy, clingy and had no confidence whatsoever as a little boy - then they had another baby and the eldest became a big brother and acquired instant confidence at showing his little brother how everything worked.  I totally saw a change in his demeanour and personality...and that is what I want for Sophie, confidence, to be outgoing and personable, not like her mama.

We are friends with another couple, as the wife went to school with my hubby.  This couple are pretty much newlyweds, but over the last year, have lost two angels.  This is always such a tough conversation to have, but knowing that she may need info without wanting to have a full on discussion, I emailed her and disclosed our journey to Clomid and eventually a beautiful baby girl with the help of our fertility clinic.  I suggested that she make an appointment as they clearly didn't have any issues getting pregnant, but rather staying pregnant and the clinic may be able to offer some help.  We hadn't heard anything for weeks, but I kept praying for good news...and last week it came - they are expecting their rainbow in January! I was so thrilled and excited for them...but I'm ashamed to admit, I was a little bit envious.  I loved being pregnant so much and can't wait to have another bundle...just not now.  So I'm thrilled and excited for them, but each time I think of them, I can't shake this slight feeling of jealousy, and that is weird. I mean these folks deserve this wonderful news, and I don't have anything to be envious of, as my gorgeous rainbow is sleeping upstairs in her crib, surrounded by photos of her older brother...and yet that slight envy is still there.

I'm actually starting to worry that I might not have an 'off' button...we discussed two kids, but what if I want more?  I don't know if I could handle more than two kids, but I'm starting to feel the urge for a large family...we'll see what is in God's plan for us... but in the meantime, I feel like I am sinning with my envy...and trust me, I thank the good Lord daily for our rainbow and for our angel...