Today we had our anatomy scan, which was fantastic!!
We were in there for almost 90 minutes and the tech gave us a really nice tour of all the body parts. "Junior" was very active and kept making us laugh by constantly yawning and moving around. The tech even commented that "Junior" was really, really active! To make a long story short, all is good. No signs of spina bifida or any defects. She then surprised us by switching to the 3D/4D wand and we go to see our little munchin...and I breathed a sigh of relief to see that we make cute babies and that this little one is so very, very cute. I mean all babies are cute, but let's be honest...some need to grow into their features, but it was so nice to see our little "Junior" is absolutely adorable...and you can even check out the hairline - this kid is going to have a full head of hair, as this is only 18.5 weeks!
Then we got to see a really clear shot of "Junior's" big feet - look at this, how clear all the toes are! We were joking that the baby inherited Freddie's flat feet...actually, hope not! The clinic actually asked to use this as one of their stock photos and we happily agreed, as the shot is really neat.
So all in all it was a great visit. We didn't expect the 3D shots, but it sure was a nice surprise! And so relieved and happy that everything is looking good and on track!!
Oh dear, how do I fess up to this? I don't feel 'fat', but the scale clearly says I am :-(
So I guess I should divulge the number right? OK...here goes....I've gained approx 20lbs and I'm in my 18th week [4.5 months]!!! Now, I was weighed at my last appointment, but that was about 6lbs ago, and I was told that it was ok, but seeing the number this morning was a shock! I did do some online searching and the info is random that I had sites quoting normal pregnancy weight gain at 11-25lbs over the entire pregnancy, to 20-45lbs. So if it's the latter, I'm ok...but if its the former, I'm in trouble!
I know how I did this...I haven't been eating well and I know it. Normally, I make sure to eat lots of fruits and veggies, but honestly, with all the morning sickness and vomiting, I've been eating more and more often, as an empty stomach leads to worse nausea. To top it off, the acid in fruit or fruit juices would induce vomiting, so I have not been eating a lot of fruits or veggies. It's been carbs, carbs and carbs. I try to get whole grains in, but I'm not always successful. So now that the nausea seems to have curbed, I'm hoping that I can decrease my food volume and get back to fruits and veggies. I even had a salad on Saturday and it stayed down!!
We have our anatomy scan on Friday, so I'm sure I'll be weighed at that point and get the official info from my doc then. I've never been a stick figure, as pre-pregnancy I was a size 10 and weighed approx 165lbs on a 5'7 frame. I don't feel heavy or look it, but the baby bump is actually a baby belly already. I'm still wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans, just with a belly band as I clearly can't do them up. I met for lunch with a friend of mine who is also pregnant, but she is 6.5 months along, compared to my 4.5, and I swear that our bellies are about the same size!!!! So needless to say, I'm not overly worried about this weight gain, as pregnancy is no time to diet...but I do plan to decrease my volume a little bit and get back to my fruits and veggies. And by volume, I mean that I will halve my breakfasts and lunches, which for the last while were 2 pieces of toast/sandwiches, and I think that since the nausea isn't bugging me as much I should be OK with 1 sandwich or piece of toast and use fruits/veggies as snacks in between.
Thanks for letting me whine about this,
Last week, we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. It is so hard to believe how quickly time flies! I guess that means we've been together for approximately 6-7 years now. Wow, it's funny how it just seems like we have been together from the very beginning.
When I think back to that lovely October day, I remember that it was gorgeous and sunny, but fairly cool. I remember that I wasn't nervous at all - I knew what I was getting into [in fact, I agonized over my answer to the proposal, but once I said "Yes", there was no second guessing, no 'cold feet', no second thoughts]. I remember all the love that was in the church, with all our friends and family there - which I'm sure several of them were thinking "Finally", as we were both 33 at the time. I remember all the well wishes, all the hugs and all the dreams for what our future would look like...
We all go into marriage planning happy times, but never thinking what might happen when our dreams don't exactly come true. Our dreams never included Freddie getting downsized and finding himself unemployed, or me having to leave my job and go on disability due to health reasons, or Freddie taking a job which included a 2 hour daily commute, or the cancer scare with his mom, or the close-to-death experience with my grandmother, or the difficulty with getting pregnant, then the joy, only to lead to such sadness and despair when we lost our baby, or the agony and loneliness of feeling that it was just the two of us mourning our child, or..... the list goes on and on and on. When I think of all we have been through in four short years, I sometimes feel like we've lived an entire lifetime in these 48 months. But through it all, I never felt alone - I always had Freddie by my side, supporting me, propping me up when I needed it, and most importantly always loving me.
When we think of marriage, we only think of the good times, but in truth, it's the hard times that make us stronger as people and as a couple. I can honestly say that in each of those 1460 days, I have loved my husband more and more, more than the day before. My husband has truly become my 'other half', my absolute best friend, my biggest champion and the only love of my life. With Freddie's love and support, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin, knowing who I am and what I stand for. I cannot imagine my life without him - and now, expecting our second child, I once again look forward to what our life will be like with our baby in the house. But should God have other plans for us, I know that Freddie will be there to love and support me, no matter what situation we find ourselves in. Freddie has truly been the greatest gift and blessing.
Looking forward to another lifetime with you Honey!!!
I guess the title says it all. What more can I say? This day is no different than any other - I mean I still think of my child like I do each day, I still wonder what life might be like if we had a 6-month old in the house, I still cringe when I think of how many babies are lost each year and how little our 'modern' medicine can do for these babies and their mothers. The only difference is that today is an opportunity to remind those around us, who don't think of us or our children, or who forgot, or those who just didn't care...it's an opportunity to remind them about all these sweet angels who never graced our homes, but live in our hearts forever.
If you are located in Canada, and especially Ontario, please support the Perinatal Bereavement Society of Ontario in their attempt to pass legislation to have October 15 recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day in Ontario. You can send a sample letter that they have available on their site [ http://pbso.ca/main/?page_id=807 ]directly to your MPP to support this cause. I sent a letter last year and I'll be sending a letter again this year. Thank you for your support.
I had an interesting exchange with a priest in confession today. Now, normally, I don't share the details of what I'm confessing with anyone, as that is exclusively between God, the priest and me, but today, the priest said something that made me pause and think.
Now, I will admit, that over the years, I have had trouble with forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard
and today as I was preparing for confession, it occurred to me how God forgives us for everything, doesn't hold a grudge or hang onto that anger. So if God can forgive me over and over, why do I have such difficulty with this? This doesn't meant that I haven't tried. I try to resolve my feelings about the situation and I try to get past it, as really, in the end, forgiveness is more for me than for the other person. In the situation of which I'm thinking, a relative posted my personal family information online in a public place for all to see - I'm sure you're thinking what is the big deal? The big deal was that this person listed all of my father's previous relationships online, and to top it off listed these women as my father's wives, when in fact they were girlfriends. This was not only incredibly hurtful to me and my mother [who was the only wife], but it also opened up the door for unknown relatives to crawl out of the woodwork. I do know that I have an older step-brother, but we've never met, I don't know his name and I have no interest in establishing a familial bond with this person. With the advancement of the internet, this relative almost put a target on me in case this long lost relative was looking for me. I was and am still upset, as I feel strongly that this is my private information and that this person, relative or not, violated privacy laws. I've expressed my anger to this individual and we no longer speak. So I'm certain that this relative doesn't care if I forgive or not... but I do.
So while confessing, I explained that I try to forgive and move past it, but each time I see this person, it all comes back and I don't feel like I've moved on. The priest, quietly and wisely pointed out to me, that perhaps this is the memory of that situation and the associated anger which surfaces, and not necessarily the lack of forgiveness. That really made me pause and think - perhaps I have forgiven, but I just can't seem to forget?? Perhaps he is correct, that it is the memory of that betrayal which reappears. I do admit that the anger is still there when I think about it. So perhaps I need to work on filing that memory away and keeping it tucked out of sight.
I've forgiven, but I clearly haven't forgotten as I feel like I can't trust this person with any of my information or any news pertaining to my immediate family. I've made the conscious decision to not associate with them any further and have not invited them to my home or family festivities if they are at our house. We do, however, still see each other at major Holidays and general family functions. We are cordial, but nothing more. I just want to get to the point where I can be cordial and mean it, without fuming inside. How do you forget? How do you compartmentalize your feelings and be a mature adult about these things? How do you become the 'bigger' person and rise above it?
We were in there for almost 90 minutes and the tech gave us a really nice tour of all the body parts. "Junior" was very active and kept making us laugh by constantly yawning and moving around. The tech even commented that "Junior" was really, really active! To make a long story short, all is good. No signs of spina bifida or any defects. She then surprised us by switching to the 3D/4D wand and we go to see our little munchin...and I breathed a sigh of relief to see that we make cute babies and that this little one is so very, very cute. I mean all babies are cute, but let's be honest...some need to grow into their features, but it was so nice to see our little "Junior" is absolutely adorable...and you can even check out the hairline - this kid is going to have a full head of hair, as this is only 18.5 weeks!
