He would have been 2...

It's a strange year.  We've been so busy celebrating a year of firsts with Sophie, that I've honestly been too busy to write my annual letter to Sammy this year.  Is it a terrible thing? I don't know.  I don't feel much guilt about it, as I think of Sammy daily, throughout the day and especially at night as I pray my prayers of thankfulness and gratitude for the blessings that we do have, and when I ask our Lord to keep Sammy safe and surrounded by love until we get there.  So is it really such a big deal that I still haven't penned my thoughts for him?  I'm fairly certain that Sammy knows and feels how much we love and miss him on a daily basis.  

Now that Sophie is growing into a one year old toddler, her personality and her character are showing more and more each day.  Naturally, this leads us to wonder all the traits that Sammy would have had.  Would he have her blue eyes?  Would he be a good eater like she is?  Would he have the same laugh?  Would he be as stubborn as she is?  More and more, as I think of Sammy, I wonder if actually Sammy would have been a girl...but for the purposes of this blog, I'll keep referring to Sammy as 'him'.

The nice thing is that after all this time, we can bring up Sammy casually in conversation and most of the time, I'm ok with it.  I still, often, have my throat tighten, but I don't cry.  We can talk about Sammy with some happiness and this is good.  I want to be able to talk about Sammy with Sophie, so that its a normal part of our family life for her to know she has a sibling.  We try to do that now when she randomly waves to the bookshelf or smiles at the ceiling - "Oh, are you playing with Sammy?"

I will write my letter to Sammy next week, once the dust settles from Sophie's first birthday.  I always write one on this blog, then write another personal letter that I put in his memory box and this year will be no different...except for the delay.

We love and miss you very much our sweet Sammy - you are never forgotten or far from our hearts!!!