Family Reactions

I hate to admit it, but I've been struggling with some of the family reactions that we've received lately.  Instead of being happy and enjoying their well wishes, I find myself feeling annoyed and a little resentful...


Last weekend, we went over to visit with some family for a few belated birthday celebrations.  It was strange to receive 'Congratulations' from smiling, happy faces - when just a few months ago these same faces were nowhere to be found, at a time when we needed them most.  For me, it was strange to see this much excitement over this baby, when Sammy still seems to be the silent secret that our families won't talk about.  Some of our family members have still never acknowledged Sammy's loss with any sign or expression of condolensces - is it me or is that weird??  So when they offer congratulatory hugs and well wishes, I can't

Compliments of Futchi at DeviantArt

 help but feel awkward, almost put on the spot, embarrassed in some strange way - simply put, my emotions are torn between loving my family, happiness about this new baby but also disappointment and anger towards these same well wishers.  Maybe  they feel bad about their behaviour and lack of support after Sammy's death, so now they are 'laying it on a little thick" to make up for it??  Or maybe they are genuinely happy this time?  What is it about this child that was different from Sammy?  They never met Sammy, but they also haven't met this child?  There was the same hope that they would meet Sammy, as we have now that they will meet this baby?  I know I'm reading too much into this, but what made Sammy so unlovable to our families?  Why was Sammy not as special and unique to them, as he was to us?  And if they were so indifferent about Sammy, why all the fuss and excitement now?


One of my traits, which I inherited from my maternal grandmother, and hate, is the fact that I can't seem to get excited and deliriously happy to the point of jumping around.  My grandmother is definitely a pessimist about everything, and my mom works to overcome that, but still shows some of this at times and she hates this trait as she knows it has disappointed me in the past.  When we were shopping for my wedding dress, each girl expects that when you find 'the dress', your mother will be happy for you, well up with tears and cry at how beautiful her little girl looked - well not my mom.  We narrowed it down to 2 dresses, and then she proceeded to nitpick at each one, pointing out their positives and negatives in relation to how they looked on me - please don't misread this, this was the criticism that I needed and this is the way we shop - and once I decided, she told me it was a gorgeous dress and I looked lovely in it.  We paid the deposit and left.  That's it - no tears, no emotional hugs - that's just not US.   This last time when we announced our pregnancy, Freddie's mom teared up and started crying and hugging us at the same time, while my mom put the card down, gulped for air, looked worried and she said 'You're not going to do anything you're not supposed to, right?  God -willing, this time it will work'.  So you see, my MIL had the expected reaction, meanwhile my mom was subdued.  Sadly, I also exhibit this trait and I hate it.  Let me give you an example - when Freddie proposed, instead of screaming "Yes", I was scared and I mean deathly afraid!  I took almost a month to finally say "Yes", and that was only after I looked at all my options, figured out the worst case scenario and analyzed the likelihood of our marriage working.  Maybe I'm just analytical, or maybe I'm just scared coming from broken marriage with no dad in the picture. Whatever the reason, it wasn't the expected reaction.  When I told my mom for the first time that we were pregnant, I was almost embarrassed to say it, as if she would know for sure that I was having sex! I mean really, I was 36 and married for crying out loud... but I still felt awkward about it!  


So perhaps my weird feelings towards our families are simply more ME than them.  Perhaps it's simply MY inability to get deliriously happy and jump up for joy.  Maybe it's my own insecurities rearing their ugly head.  Maybe I'm reading way more into this than anyone of them would think.  I just don't know...