Welcome 2011!!

I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore, as there were always to lose a few pounds and only lasted a few weeks anyway. Instead, I have hopes and dreams for this New Year and this year, I only have 1 wish for 2011... To be blessed with a baby of my own.. One that I can hear cry, one that I can rock to sleep, one that I can hug and kiss... one that I can raise... A baby brother or sister for my sleeping angel...


You know my journey TTC and here we are on another month.  I'm emotional, my lower abdomen has been cramping, my back pain is worse - but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Last month, I also had abdominal cramping and it turned out to be PMS. I'm so scared to even get my hopes up as I don't want them to be dashed.  Freddie, bless him, is so upbeat and positive - I wish I could be more like him. He truly keeps my spirits up and is a rock.


On New Year's Eve, we stayed home - by choice. I went to church that night to Thank God for all the blessings in 2010 and it got me thinking about how much I should be thankful for.  On New Year's Day I went to church to ask God for more blessings in 2011...so I decided to share my list with you, as sometimes I need to put it on paper to see how many blessings I really do have.  It helps when I'm in the dumps, to see how lucky I actually am, so here goes:

- Freddie, who always loves and supports me, no matter what
- the gift of our baby, those lovely 12 weeks that we got to spend together and the lifetime of love and joy that we feel and will continue to feel for our angel
- my mom, who always sees my point of view and loves me unconditionally
- my in-laws, who I know worry and feel my pain
- my disability benefit, that I received it without a legal fight.  That I have a paycheque [albeit smaller] and benefits
- the few friends who have still stuck with me throughout all this
- my strong faith and relationship with God
- my health. You may wonder why I'm thankful for this when its so bad, but it could be worse, so I'm thankful that my health isn't worse and for the things that I am capable of
- my new blog and Facebook friends, who have helped me cope with our great loss this year
- my email support parent from PBSO, who has shared her loss with me and helped me work my way  through my own loss
- my kitty cats, who seem to sense when I'm down and are always there to sit on my lap
- that I have a roof over my head and food on my table
- a great family physician and a great pain specialist who understand my needs
- a sympathetic insurance disability claim specialist, at least so far :-)
- for my tears and sadness, as they help me remember why I feel so sad and how much I love!


Now, I certainly have hopes and dreams for 2011 as well, so here goes:


- a happy, healthy and successful pregnancy that leads to a baby!
- improved health and pain free days
- a non-surgical option for me (as you know how terrified I am)
- the ability to travel and have fun
- more fun and enjoyment in the New Year
- a continued disability benefit
- to continue working with good medical professionals
- good health for our family, especially my mom and my in-laws
- to find a nice new home for my mom closer to us 
- to reconnect with old friends


Now, I know that God doesn't want me to wallow in sadness, so I'm going to try and be happy with what I do have, even if it's not what I want. I know that it will be hard, but I will try!  What do you hope and wish for in the coming year?