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| From: MakeAMemory.com |
The forecast for the weekend was rain, rain and more rain. But we were spared yesterday and actually had a really gorgeous day. In the evening, Freddie and I went for a lovely walk around a local pond. It had been a long while since I had done anything 'normal', due to the chronic pain, and although I was IN PAIN, I figured that I'm in pain regardless of what I do, so I might as well try to have a little fun. I was dying by the time we got to the car, but I also felt a sense of accomplishment.
This morning, my 37th Birthday, I woke up to a lovely sunny day - but now its overcast, but not raining! And my gift arrived just after I woke up. I had just torn open another pregnancy test, when I felt that familiar feeling, you know the one, when you know that AF is here - so I guess the fat lady has sung...there was no point in taking the test. I put it back in the packaging, put on my best face and thought about the bottle of chilean Malbec that friends brought over last night.
It was hard to tell Freddie, as his face fell in disappointment - I tried to cover mine up as much as possible, as the last few days of ups and downs got me to the point where I wanted to know definitively one way or the other and just get on with life, instead of hoping each morning and having my emotions hang on some stupid test result. But I was soooo disappointed. I was so sure that my body was giving me signs and I just feel let down by my own body. It's sending me mixed and confusing signals.
Well, let's hope that next month is better for us. I may even get the free monitoring done at the clinic to make sure that I'm ovulating when I think I am. I guess I can have a few birthday drinks tonight - what a Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the negative test. I remember my birthday in 2008; we had gotten a positive beta but it was low and not rising appropriatly. I spent the entire day just praying for a birthday miracle; I ended up m/cing shortly after Father's Day. When I look back on that year, I remember it so full of sadness and hope. I'm sending love that, although your birthday gift wasn't what you'd hoped for, that this is still a year of goodness and wonderful things for you.
Thanks Michele - I read your PMS post...I'm there too! I must confess that I was thinking about that exact thing yesterday - maybe I am pregnant but my levels are not rising...I prayed that that was not the case, as I'd much rather be menstruating than miscarrying. So I think I just had wonky test with evaporation lines...and am thankful for that in the grand scheme of things. It's strange, I get negative tests so often that I'm disappointed, but not devastated. I think if I did get a BFP, I'd be shocked! Thanks for the Birthday wishes :-)
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteHappy 37th Birthday!
May this be the year for you.
Happy birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day, despite the obvious disappointment. I will think good thoughts that this will be your year!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Joanna! I hope you can have a nice birthday aside from AF arriving. I'm so sorry :( I really hoped that this would be your cycle. I pray that this year will be your year.
ReplyDeletexxx
Happy Birthday! I am so sorry this cycle did not give you what you want--praying that the next one does.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday Joanna! I hope you had a great day, despite AF. Enjoy that wine, you have earned it! I hope it is the last wine you get to drink for a LONG time (approx. 9 months)! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much girls!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry I'm late but Happy Happy Birthday!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Natasha - I appreciate it!!!
ReplyDelete