Dear God,
Thank you so very much for
blessing us with *****. I will be
forever grateful that you answered our prayers and chose us to be *****’s
parents, giving us such a precious gift.
I find it so hard, Lord, to
have to give this ‘gift’ back to you for safe-keeping. The thing that hurts me the most is
that ***** died and isn’t here with us.
We were a family for a moment and now we are a couple once again. Our child made us a family, but ***** can’t be with us. We had wanted ***** so much, that at times our baby fades from my memory and seems to be a
lovely dream. I have to remember that ***** was real, that ***** was here,
that ***** was alive for 10 weeks
and 2 days. And now, Lord, ***** is with you and you get to be with *****, but we don’t. We are alone Lord, missing our child.
Some of the things that I miss
doing with my baby are the simple things: seeing what ***** looked like,
searching for those resemblances from our families, discovering *****’s
personality, and even simpler things like just holding/cuddling or even just
smelling that baby scent. I wish I
could hold our baby and take care of ***** – I think of bath times or walks in
a stroller, watching Freddie hold his child and seeing that loving pride in his
eyes. We’ll never know who ***** would have grown up to be. Would he be tall like my side of the family? Would he have Freddie’s happy
disposition? Would he inherit my love
of nature and his grandma’s care and empathy? Would he be a wild child or a proud academic? Would he have married and had kids of
his own? Would he have grown up to
be a caring man who would make us proud?
I’m already proud of our angel - I just miss being *****’s mom.
If I could talk to *****, I’d
say what I pray for each night, that ***** is safe, that ***** knows how much
we love him, miss him and wish that he was with us each day. A day doesn’t go by Lord, that I don’t
miss our child. I guess the most important
thing that I want ***** to know is how much he was loved & wanted, more
than anything we’d ever wanted before.
I am looking forward to being
reunited with my baby in heaven someday.
I know that I’ll finally be at peace, be able to understand why it had
to be this way. I’ll finally be
together with our baby, instead of being so far apart. Our little family will be reunited and
we will be giddy with happiness.
I’ll be complete and whole once again.
I’m not sure what I need right
now, Lord. I do know that I keep
searching for some small sign that ***** is OK. I keep hoping for a dream where I can visualize our baby,
even a small glimpse would do. I
do need strength to keep going, to live for today and enjoy what I do have
around me. I also need peace of
mind as I worry that as I find comfort in you Lord, I worry that I’m forgetting ***** or that *****’s memory will be lost if You chose to bless us with another
child. I need to release myself
from this guilt of being a bad mom and not keeping my love exclusively for *****, that somehow by loving another child my love for ***** lessens… or that
another child will somehow replace our precious first born or even refocus our
attention. I need your help Lord,
to ensure that no matter what the future holds, that ***** is always loved,
always in my heart and always at the forefront of my thoughts.
We can’t take care of ***** Lord, he is completely in your care.
Please take good care of our baby.
Tell him how much he was wanted and loved by both of us. Tell him how much we miss him and
always will. Just love him – I
hope that he can feel our love and that he isn’t lonely. I know that a lifetime for us on earth,
will be but a moment for ***** and I’m so glad that he won’t suffer without us.
Please hug and kiss ***** for
us – I can’t wait to see him and be with you both. With love always,
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