I feel like a Yo-Yo!!

It seems that my state of mind depends on the day, what's going on, how I'm feeling, etc.  The weekend seemed to be much better, and my husband, as if on cue, told me all the things that I needed to hear...and I didn't even tell him about my "freak out" thoughts. It does seem though that I feel a lot better, then come back to this dark place of despair once in a while...but I also tend to think that this might be a bit normal.  In my case, I also have a lot more to deal with, considering my long term illness.  I don't know if I want to talk to a counsellor... I've heard from some people that its a chance to talk it out...but I would hope that there would also be an element of learning strategies to cope with this grief and sadness. Anyway, a recommendation always goes a lot further than just picking someone out of the phonebook.

I created a lovely memory box for our angel and put in it all the things I could: the pregnancy test, my hospital ID bracelets, prescriptions, info on follow up care, the ultrasound photo, the letter I wrote to our angel, as well as the few cards and flowers that we received.  I know that our baby's birth day [due date] and death anniversary will always be engraved on our hearts.  I I haven't put away all the sympathy cards yet...soon.

I also realize that part of sharing my story via this blog is to establish a new set of friends and support network.  I've been reading many blogs over the last few months and just didn't feel ready to share yet, but I really valued the support and friendships which blossomed between these women who didn't even know each other...and I'd love to be part of this group. As my mom always reminds me, we don't pick our families...we pick our friends. So my family will always be that, family... but I realize that I lack a good girlfriend in whom I can confide...I thought I had that, but clearly not...