It's been a while...

Hello there - yes, I know I've been gone for a little bit, but in my defence I needed a bit of time to breathe, collect my thoughts, talk to Freddie and frankly take a break from reading all the BLM blogs, as they just made me so very sad and hopeless.  Now that I've had a break, I can go back to those blogs and offer some encouragement, and even view my own situation in a different light - I hope!

So when we last left off, I was totally freaking out at the prospect of IUI or even IVF, I wasn't sure what I wanted or how far I wanted to go.  Now, I have a better handle on this.  First of all, Freddie and I watched the infertility video that we were given at the fertility clinic - I must admit it was so booooring and dryyyyyy!  It took all our effort just to stay awake - but we did, as we knew this was important.  We both learned a few things, not only about assisted reproduction, but also about ourselves and how we feel about it.


Freddie suggested that maybe we just take a step back, relax, and just keep trying for the next few months - not a long time, but maybe 2-3 months.  I couldn't help but agree.  We still don't know if we can trust Dr. F's opinion or if he just wants us to start a paid service.  I did contact another private clinic and they indicated that Dr. F needs to refer us there for a second opinion, so Freddie and I decided that we will continue on our own for the next little while, then go back to Dr. F and ask if we can do the injectable drugs while TTC, without IUI.  Should that fail for another 2-3 months, then we'd either go for a second opinion or do IUI at that point.  We both agreed that a second opinion was needed to make sure that Dr. F hadn't missed some basic reason why this is proving to be so difficult.  


In the meantime, I've found some articles about the possibility that the soft cup could aid with fertility issues.  I stress that this is just a POSSIBILITY, as for every positive article, there is also a negative article.  Regardless, the basic logic behind this makes sense to me and I figure that this can't hurt, so why not?  I also found the product at my local pharmacy for $4.99 for a pack of 6.  You can check out more info HERE.  Have any of you tried this?  Has it worked for you?  


So far, we're trying the PreSeed, along with some cough syrup containing Guaifenesin, followed by the soft cup - all while charting my BBT and praying a lot.  In fact, last night, I woke up every 2-3 hours with the thought "God, please bless us with another pregnancy - please let all these measures work for us this month, please, please, please".  Crazy, eh?


On the religious front, I've read a few pages about the Catholic view of assisted reproduction.  I have to admit that there is a lot of info out there and that not all of it makes complete sense to me at all times.  I should also preface this by saying that although I am a practicing Catholic, devout and a believer, I don't always necessarily understand, or even agree with some of the Church rules - now, I also acknowledge that I do not have the theological background to perhaps understand some of these decisions.  I also believe, however, that we do have a loving God, but that the Church is run by people, who can update, change or modify some of these decisions - while I, as an active Catholic, have a responsibility to try and understand these "rules", and at times, if needed, perhaps question them and point out areas where things don't always make sense.


Having said all that, the info that I read regarding TTC was that the most important thing was that conception took place during a loving act, that is to say during lovemaking between spouses.  I totally agree with this.  The Church's view, however, seems to be that the jury is "out" on IUI, but it is permissible as long as some rules are followed, like for example, how the sperm is obtained for the procedure.  IVF, however, is off limits as there is no loving act during conception - although I don't totally buy into this, I do see how the actual moment of conception takes place in a lab with a lab tech, a syringe and a microscope, so yes, this is very impersonal.  I would argue, however, that this impersonal act comes from a place of great love between the spouses - but this view was negated by something else that I read, that we do not have the RIGHT to be parents, but that parenthood is a PRIVILEGE.  This made me agree with the Church that IVF was not suitable for us, that it was too extreme for us to pursue (not to mention the risk factors, etc.) and especially that just because we can do something, doesn't mean that we should!  This last train of thought applies to a lot of things going on in our world today (abortion, nuclear weapons, etc., etc., etc.).  So Freddie and I acknowledge that we do not have the right to be parents, but we will welcome the opportunity should it present itself.



So, in a nutshell, I feel more hopeful today.  I feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I feel better that we have a plan.  I feel like we're in control again. I feel like we've made some decision and I'm relieved that we're on the same page.  So please pray for us this month!!