Secret Regrets

Yesterday, I was watching a previously taped episode of Dr. Phil.  The Secret Regrets website is a public place where people can anonymously post their most secret regrets - and boy was it interesting!  

http://secretregrets.com/

The first story was a young girl who regretted contacting her birth father as things hadn't turned out how she had hoped and Dr. Phil was helping them create a relationship.  One thing that struck me was when he said that simply being family and sharing DNA didn't automatically create a relationship.  He was encouraging them to try and create a relationship... and this made me think of the rocky relationship that I have with my aunt/godmother.  I made a conscious decision to try and make an effort to be nice to her, despite her behaviour or past episodes.  Please know that this will be oh so very hard, as she is just one of those people who are oblivious to their acts & words and are like an annoying insect which knows just where to hurt you.  So I know I can't change her behaviour, I can only change my reaction - and I'm going to make a much greater effort...


The second story really got to me: a young woman regretted aborting her baby on the advice of her then boyfriend.  She had feelings of guilt and felt responsible for the death of her child and promised that she would never abort a child again.  I was in tears as I was crying over the death of an innocent child, but I was also crying for her as she was so clearly in pain and grieving, as many of us were.  Needless to say, the boyfriend quickly disappeared and she was completely alone with her grief.  When I went to the Secret Regrets website I found a few similar stories where either a mother regretted pushing her daughter to have an abortion or a young woman regretted her choice - but what really made me sad were some of the comments, which for the most part were very supportive, but there were a few basically indicating that these women had nothing to regret, that the writer had also had an abortion years ago and was very happy with the decision she had made at the time and would in fact make it again.  I was devastated reading this!  Somehow, seeing that young woman on TV grieving so openly over an abortion that she had had made her somehow relatable to me, but these women who had had an abortion years ago and then went on to marry and have kids and grandkids seemed cold and heartless.  I guess I can reason that young women don't know what they are getting themselves into and then learn and grow, but I just don't understand how any woman who has given birth herself, could look back on her previous abortion and somehow not call that baby her child.  I don't understand  how anyone can have multiple abortions and simply carry on with life as if it was a bank transaction.  How can anyone be so completely unaffected??  And yes, I realize that a lot of that has to do with our fundamental beliefs... but I'm also a scientist and I've never understood how the medical and scientific community can justify abortion, when I was always taught that biologically, life begins with the first set of cell division.  It never made sense to me!

From Turn Back to God

I was so upset, that the only thing I could do was to pick up my rosary and pray.  Pray to our Mother, Mary, begging her to guide young women away from abortion, begging her to guide medical personnel to reexamine their acts and conscience and find their way back to God, begging Mary to give some peace to those women who live with the daily regret of abortion, begging her to bring understanding and love to those women who had abortions and didn't look back, praying for our politicians that they may change the laws of my country which currently freely allow abortions.  I think I cried throughout the entire rosary - I don't know if I've ever felt that kind of desperation while praying and begging for change, begging to save so many innocent lives.


At the end, I thought of what I could do and I felt guilt as although our church does organize the 'Chain of Life', where people stand in front of the hospital in a prayerful protest, I've never gone, I've never put myself on display like that... and now I felt like a coward.  So I thought about how else I might help and I thought that perhaps when I have a bit more time [and once my disability case is finished] I could perhaps volunteer at a youth crisis centre or help counsel young women who are faced with an unplanned pregnancy.  I don't know, I felt the need to do something...just not entirely sure what...