I knew I'd be here at some point.
I knew that I'd have to face this.
I just didn't expect it to be today.
One of my best friends told me that she was pregnant.
I'm thrilled for her - I truly am.
No one deserves this more than her, not even me.
She's suffered, much more than I have.
She's lost, then gave birth, then lost and lost again.
Three angels, one baby and now a pregnancy.
I don't know what it's like to be expecting FIVE times, scared each time.
I don't even know what it's like to be pregnant twice.
She has no trouble getting pregnant, just keeping her babies.
I seem to have trouble with BOTH.
I'm thrilled for her - I truly am,
But I'm a little jealous and a little scared to meet her.
I'm thrilled for her - but I can't help wish it was ME!
She knows what I'm going through,
but I don't know what she's dealing with, not exactly.
I hope that I can be a source of support for her,
I also hope that she can still be mine.
I'm thrilled for her - I truly am,
but between the smiles, I feel sad.
Sad for what I don't have,
Sad that I might never have it,
Sad that I can't be completely happy for HER.
hugs... prayers for you and your friend
ReplyDeleteOh...once again I can totally relate!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could come through the internet and give you a great big hub! { } hugs to you!
Thank you for your kind response to my comment last week. I'm glad to know that my words were even the tiniest bit of comfort for the pain you are experiencing at this time in your life.
As I can tell that you have a deep faith in God and Catholicism, I will share that I prayed to our Blessed Mother often. I swear she helped me through this past decade of my life! I like to think that my little ones are at her feet or those of our Lord.
I just wrote this post last week...
http://kueterfamilyblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/baby-christmas-ornament.html and I'm not sure if you saw it or not. (It might be one of those that you "avoid" when you're having a down day dealing with infertility!).
I have now been on both sides of the street with regard to infertility...both sides of the street are not with bumps!
I'm praying that you get to cross that infertility street soon!!!
Blessings,
Valerie
typo...HUG!!!
ReplyDeleteBut you tried to be happy for her, even given your grief. Even if you can't be completely happy, you are trying to overcome your own feelings so you can be a friend to her. I hope she is as good a friend back.
ReplyDeleteSending you a (((((hug))))) in case you need one right now.
Thanks so much ladies!! I'm trying to be a good friend, but I admit it's not easy at times.
ReplyDeleteI can SO relate to this. I had several friends get pregnant or who were pregnant when I mc'd. How I WISHED we could trade places...not wishing my misfortune on them, but wishing I could just be pregnant too.
ReplyDeleteAnd now sometimes I worry that I'M the cause of someone's pain because I AM pregnant again.
Ugh. There's just no winning.
It's definitely hard either way!
ReplyDelete